Someone please talk to me I can’t do this rn

It’s easy to want
Or be sorry
Or say it

I feel I must cry
And I let it come out
But it’s vain and it’s
And I can’t understand
what those uneasy fragments
Could imply in my mind

Although some art forms touch me
There is no good example
What i actually feel like
When it really goes on

And there’s no way to tell you
Or not even a reason
There is no use in bothering
Talking it out

It’s just something
Upsets me
And I want to be held
By some kind almost stranger
Whose arms i don’t know

Just because it is different
To feel somebody love you
Who has no way of knowing
Who can’t understand why
That’s just what I ache for
It’s the strangest sensation
Just to feel something warm

I’ve been seeking out comfort
In beautiful image
For i find them consoling
Seen as how I’m a beast
And within empty solace
I am able to quiet
Just a bit of the feeling
That I’ve no use for life

Maybe I just need love
More than I could imagine
But Im too scared to ask
Because If there’s no answer

One of my only desires
For the longest time
Was to emulate maybe
Just one of those songs
To be stuck in the head
Of a stranger
For an entire day
After only one encounter
To simply be appealing, alluring
Like someone from a movie
Or something

Someone unreal sort of
Out of reach
But I realized then why
That is - not because I am
Remotely remarkable
In fact, quite the contrary
Rather forgettable -

We are all administered
From birth
The idea that each living person is
A special and unique creature
And that every idea we have
Should be nourished and
Every human being is precious
And life should be cherished
That we owe some sort of virtue
Maybe thanks or praise
To a higher unforeseen power
For this splendor
That all people possess but

This is the mentality from which
Is spawned the earths greatest
Artists and revolutionaries
Just the same as its
Murderers and tyrants
So how does this principle
Apply equally to all people?

It seems that life
Is a disgusting competition
Over who can keep their eyes
Closed or open to injustice
And I don’t know if either side
Has any bit of advantage

the songs that
take seizure
over your entire mind
and memory
and immerse themselves
immediately into
the core of your cerebrum
causing you to
incessantly hum and whistle
their melodious tunes
contemplatively inquiring :

from where does this music -

which seems to exhibit
all that I am
which seems as though
it has always resounded
as a part of me -

originate ?

and hearing it outside
of my own self’s boundaries
is sheer refreshment

being released of those troubles
and treasured by
the ears of those
who share the same
common factors
(good sense, taste,
partial woe & exposure,
ability to identify those things which
have the capability
to bring wonder
into your life
by merely thinking of
That music)
as you also possess
and know that
you are in good company
hearing those songs
at the ends of your longest days and

the world may be
massively terrifying but
take comfort in knowing that
there will always be someone
who shares your
favorite songs

I do not care
the number of petals
you’ve pulled
or the conclusion you’ve reached
once it’s only a stem -

flowers cannot determine
whether he loves you
or not
when he can’t even
come to terms with it
himself and

what does it matter anyway
how you look through
anyone’s eyes when
you don’t even like
to look at yourself

9/10/13 ??

…It really makes a difference to pay attention to what your thoughts are actually trying to tell you. I don’t think this is a coincidence either that this is directly related to health. Your surroundings are only a trap really, instilling false desire overstimulating senses. The trick is to not get yourself killed by your own stupidity and free will which the luxury of variation provides… capability of selection is most likely the greatest factor of distraction. 

How intoxicating — the privilege to be discriminating in terms of your consumer power. It is even more difficult to be discerning enough to take time and practice listening to subconscious thoughts if for no other reason than fear of deafening senses.

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Consider this, okay :

most people are born with the ability to see with their eyes.

some are not, this is blindness.

but have you ever thought

about the things that

a blind person sees

when their eyes are not shut

everyone is partially blind because

the world you are born to -

be it blind or sighted,

enshrouds not just a portion,

but an entire universe

and even those involved inside of it

cannot see its citizens so -

what becomes of this community ?

they are perceived as gimp

and the sighted,

senses fatigued,

pity these sacred people

who are so humble, so pious

as to not boast their tremendous advantage

and instead

bite their tongues

at those ignorant enough

to look down on them

for the blind transcend

our nescient realm

the deafening of one sense

only strengthens the others ;

without certain virtues,

only half of any portrayal

is properly witnessed

and these are,

(in no specific order)

curiosity, patience, cleverness,

willingness, naïvety, and skepticism

and anyone with any

remote disability or setback

is twice as strong

to compensate for each weakness

resilience may be the only reward

life will ever offer to

people like us but

I will never turn down

an offer so sweet

Last night
a car was driving
straight towards me
and I didn’t want it to move
it’s headlights
pointed straight at me
as some strange salvation
and I wished
For no divergence
No deliverance
and experienced finally
Wanting nothing more than
But wanting still

I was capable still
of desire
of disappointment

I continued walking.

it goes on and off
for months at a time
I’d control it if I could
we are all aware
of the irrefutable fact :
there is no stopping change

regardless of your selfish beliefs -
concerning fate and the inevitable
concerning all those romantic distractions
- I write in pencil
and as of right now
this allows me innumerable freedoms
which will become extinct
to our untimely successors

prediction in time
turns to prophecy
completely obscure
within its own decade

dissection is ancient
and everything’s tainted
our sweat is metallic
and our skin’s become clear

seems that natural selection
evolved and decided
that the volatile heart
has its benefits, too

still I can’t help but notice
how I feel like I’m dying
in homogeny -
as in white liquid milk
subliminal stimuli
to the power of culture
and divided by time
no solution foreseen

you see,
time is a shark
with its ceaseless propulsion
and tomorrow comes steadily
ready or not

I went just one time
To a church in Virginia
and inside it was cold
- artificially, silent
The pastor was french and his accent was
So no words were too clear
From a pew in the back but
The buzz and the beeps of the
Oxygen tanks
In the House of the Lord
proved my prayers to be futile

While the elderly helplessly
Passed around baskets
Filled with eight dollar bills
Or something unheard of
When it came to my turn
I could just peek and pass it for
Every cent to my name was of debt and
This cause to contribute to
Seems as a sin when
I’ve seen funds collected
For a very real cause and
I’ve seen darkest people
Try to worship as light :
I’ve learned faith to be dark
When corruption is present

Misery at its finest
Ignites faith and its pureness
And this contrast on purpose
Allows light to exist
But we’re taught not to doubt so
I guess I’ve been ousted though
The Lord I’ve seen prior
Has impressed this upon me